still doesn't change the fact you were dunking your sock in the toilet.
We'll cross that bridge when we come to it... Or burn it. Either way we'll deal with it later
made out with three guys on the first night of college orientation, just imagine what joys all of next year will hold
I've come to accept that no matter where I step in our apartment, your underwear will be there.
He cut part of his finger off. It was a consolation blow job.
We should invent fake asshair for you to wear so you can experience my pain for a day.
Is it possible to just pretend that everything we did after grilling up your goldfish didn't happen?
Dude you spent 20 minutes on the phone with dominos answering machine trying to order a pizza
My life is a video game called get the drunk princess back to her castle, thank you to all that participated
I told him I had an IUD and he asked me how was a bomb a form of birth control..
I don't know where I keep finding these guys, but mi power bottoms es su power bottoms.
I'm trying to behave my vagina this week so I can at least pretend I'm honoring the sanctity of marriage
The beauty of getting kicked out of college again is I can fuck my professor's brains out and she can't get fired now
I just want to find somebody intelligent enough to trick my parents into thinking she's not a trophy wife. Is that too much to ask?
There's wax on my nightstand, my sheets look like Christmas, and my vagina feels like it got into a fight. All signs of a good night
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