i just set an alarm for noon. fuck yes winter break.
knew i was gonna lose at a shoe or be bleeding at some point. and both happened within 20 mins.
the last call horn was blaring when I tried peeling you off the bathroom floor than you uttered "Ill take the toothless one.'
He tells me he loves me and I say I just want him for sex, then he looks at me like I just said I hate puppies. What kind of guy is he?
I'm so confused as to where the sexual euphemisms end and the drinking starts
It's official. Those are now your come fuck me flipflops
I like her because we want the same things out of life AND she actually wants to have sex with me.
I never thought the most recent texts on my phone would be with ASAP ferg and my ex...
He went to 7/11 first and came back with condoms and a banana "in case we get hungry"
Just remember: We don't tell our English professor about our fetishes unless she specifically asks about them.
He had the same tone in his voice and look in his eyes that he gets when he says UFOs aren't real.
NO ITS THAT IM A SEXUAL DEVIANT AND CANT FILTER MYSELF
I've finally become one of those chicks with a taco in her purse.
Guess it's not a good idea to try lighting a cigarette with my stove drunk, I burnt off half my bangs.
Also you think METH is on the same level of wanting to see the movie cats? We’re gonna unpack that later
Randomize
