He just told me his cousin just died and I look like her. Reconsidering the sex.
he's dressed up as pikachu 3 fucking years in a row and gotten laid each time. i don't understand
Just for future questioning, I didnt break up with you over text
And I swear to god I'll divorce you if you so much as say a single sentence in Yoda talk in our bedroom. I may be a nerd but that's just fucking creepy
He stumbled out of the bar bathroom at 3:30 am with his jeans unzipped and his dick hanging out - it was the physical manifestation of "blackout with your cock out"
I felt like in order for him to make it to mordor and destroy the ring, he'd have to make sweet sweet love to me in some form of hut or cave.
Quick question. How did my clothes end up in your room on your bed and I end up outside your room naked on your couch?
Yup. Dog walker, house sitter and mistress to the rich, bored and bi-curious. I've got a nice little operation running.
his butt looks cute in my panties so i decided he has to wear panties all the time from now on.
I hope I don't have to wait for another triple crown winner to get laid again.
I WANT TO JUMP IN TO A VOLCANO
I thought my holiday spirit was gone this year until I got banged to Christmas music. It's back.
Are you in a position where you can bring me some nachos?
I walk into the pharmacy and I'm like "I need three morning after pills" and the guy was like "uhhhh". All I said was "we didn't plan it, we all just got laid the same night"
Lmao a dude who just got out of prison said im worth 10 cigarettes in prison...I think that's a compliment
Randomize
