i'm going to rape that little man
omg not your brother
I fell off the front porch last night. Actually.. I dove. I dove off the front porch.
drunk sex in a shower = bad idea broken arm
there's a guy looking for his pants in my room, is he yours?
We left an ass print on the piano.
He was puking up tons. He aimed his face inside his coat. Not a drop in my car. Then he thanked me for the ride.
And I told him that even though were not together, if he has sex with anyone I would have sex with someone else, video tape it and send it to him.
according to the video, you won you first drunken karaoke contest based off of your actual singing abilities and not because you took your shirt! I've never been prouder :)
Oh I will totally be your beard, but on one condition I get to watch you and your boy friend have sex.
I just remember looking over and seeing you on top of him and us high fiving. That's when I knew we'd be perfect roommates
Despite popular belief cocaine is not a good pre-workout
I think I'm at a stage of my life where I subconsciously purposefully fuck everything up just to see if I can find a way out of it.
At leat we can cross off 'having sex in a classroom' on our bucket list.
he pulled my tampon string out with his teeth like a grenade pin yelling frag out! That's why I fuck guys back from deployment. They'll go the distance
It went from a "chill game of beer pong" to "absinthe body shots and a tits parade" in literally two minutes.
Told you inviting her was a good idea.
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