she told me her fantasy was her as a 55 year old cook at a truck stop who smokes a pack a day, and I was the 21 year old illegal immigarnt prep cook.
Bring my lunch to work in liquor store bags is doing nothing for my career
It's like I just got slapped in the face with the cock of nostalgia.
It's a given that you're going to get peed on at a country concert
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Everyone else in class agrees the weed smell is coming from me
So your contact has been changed to "jizz weave" in my phone. Now, as strange and random as that may be, I'm slightly embarrassed to say that I have more than one contact that fits that description so please identify yourself.
I just licked a piece of cheese off my phone screen if that makes you feel any better
I should know better than to open your texts at the grocery store
Good new is, my parents are alive. Better news they will be in the hospital all weekend. Best news is im having a house party. All weekend.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I am listening to my ipod while i puke, this is most entertaining hangover i have ever had.
Sorry you ended up in detox. It's not my fault you decided to walk downtown in only your underwater at 3am. I think the tequila took over.
I had a dream I hooked up with Post Malone. I can still smell the dream
I don't feel like that was meant as a compliment, but really still feels like one
I ripped ass in on and around her face during a hard 69. I don't think she'll ever call me again.
Well, fuck this election. I'm getting drunk, regardless of who wins.
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