i hate that you can chart my weight gain through my facebook pictures.
You tired to make Beefaroni in the Mr. Coffee machine.
It' a whole new level of walk of shame. I'm carrying his sheets since I have a washer/dryer.
False alarm it was margarita mix all over my hands not blood
Want to get together for a boner voyage before you leave?
Cause I came home. Im covered in green marker and jack daniels. Theres a taco and the words "we went to Mexico" on my wrist. Im a walking abomination.
She wanted to roleplay. Apparently you be snow and i'll be a plow wasn't an option
Lets go see if some hobos will give us a prostate massage for a 40 ounce.
If I had that in my pants Omg I would want a shirt made so everyone knew
He's laying next to me passed out dressed as a hooters girl
I bet he's a super pretty hooters girl
I feel like we need a drunken piñata bash with your face being the piñata and my hopes and dreams being the stick
I'm sorry you caught us fucking in your bathroom. If it makes you feel any better when I tried to put my pants back on I dropped them in the toilet.
Puking in the Ritz Carlton bathroom was actually kind of a nice experience
the roommate is literally cooking green eggs n ham, and I'm too hungover to see straight. Dr Seuss nightmare.
Curing hangovers with more alcohol was a great idea for the first five days
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