The bridesmaids just went smackdown on the floor, over the bouquet. I saw nipple. Best wedding ever
I feel as if I owe my bloodstream some tequila.
I don't know if its because i'm stoned or what but painting my kitchen yellow makes it look crooked
I keep telling myself last night was not real, not real, not real. Then I remember I can't move. This hangover is too fucking real.
I just witnessed my first non cocain induced sunrise in five years.
Not my cup of tea
I don't see how I managed to fuck up so much shit in an hour and a half..
i want to have awesome sex and feel fuzzy.
Nothing says male bonding like watching porn with your grandpa
Well if homeless lesbian experimenting divorcée is your new M.O., you're gonna need to start drinking more anyway so if that's what it takes to talk about it tomorrow afternoon, bottoms up bitch
new district manager is here. you need to come in early
5th mimosa says otherwise
We're eating jello shots in the library. I love the day after Valentine's
Pretty sure when I woke up the next morning we were still fucking. It just didn't stop.
THERE IS A MOTHERFUCKING HUMMINGBIRD FLYING AROUND IN OUR HOUSE RIGHT NOW HOW DO I GET IT OUT????
Pinterest knows I’m getting divorced
Lol, maybe a little bit. I don't know. I don't keep a super keen memory log of dicks honestly.
Randomize
