i just overheard someone saying that they invented the 'tequila mockingbird' last night. sorry, but i found better friends
This escort grabbed my boyfriends ass and it became clear, he fucked pretty much anything he could find prior to dating me.
False alarm it was margarita mix all over my hands not blood
It's probably just the physical manifestation of slut karma. But i of course mean that in the kindest way possible because i love you and respect your choices
There was a stripper pole on the party bus. Was being past tense because some fat chick somehow tore it from the ceiling while grinding
So we just left her at the hospital. She is not ruining my Monday night
I got to see some gay bartender let a girl with daddy issues whip Travis in the balls with his own belt. Totally worth it.
God gave me a talent besides one night stands. I feel like I should use it
I ended up in bed with a man from London in a sorority wing I am not apart of. Tequila fucks you up
If I don't get to have sex with him soon my entire female reproductive system is gonna climb out of my body and choke me to death
I know but at least you've never been asked to have sex dressed up like Catwoman
Drunk me is basically the Oprah of nudes. Everyone gets one.
I just woke up in his bed.. in a cardboard castle, with a Justin Bieber poster on the ceiling staring down at me, cuddling with 4 empty PBR cans. I win.
Anal on new furniture sounds like a quickest way to violate a warranty
I was trying to decide if i was still high whenever i realized i was pressing the buttons on the microwave cause i liked the sound.
Randomize
