Sooo i definitely have a major burn on my chin from kenny's ...stubble from making out for hours while coked up. Pure class.
no, i'm proud of you. this is the happiest you've been since you discovered that bowls can be used as cups if you don't feel like washing dishes.
I just realized that if I marry him I will have the same last name as spiderman. this makes my decision so much harder.
My mom woke me up in a bubble bath this morning.
ALSO, bringing a stapler to the bar is a good idea
The last party at your house was a sex toy party...it's an obvious transition to baby shower
We won't have time to talk.. I'll be rolling you a blunt and you'll be getting naked.
Last night someone asked you what your favorite color was and you said "bagel."
sometimes you just gotta eat tacobell at 2am and cry all your feelings out
That's not "anything", that's you deep throating a mozzarella stick.
Somehow reaching for the flaming hot cheetos ended up in the best sex of my life
Sorry i ignored you for so long. I think my vibrator is broken.
I wonder how vigorously I can jack off in a one person tent without being noticed???
I could have sworn that I went home last night... but judging from the couch I just woke up on, apparently not.
Sexual side note: sushi and cum do not mix well. That is all.
Randomize
