so now she's a stripper
can't say i'm surprised
I just farted in the dogs face to show him who's boss
its officail im naming my first born child brickbreaker
Pretty sure a homeless guy just told me to 'lick his balls clean' because I looked at him.
BIGGER SANDWIJH COME NIW OR DIE
We JUST got rid of the new years fatties at my gym and now the spring break fatties are here. goddamn.
Literally I thought my ears were pouring out blood. That high.
I think I'm a wingman for every guy who bangs a girl I scarred in highschool.
You pole danced in your parka.
It's statistically impossible for there not to be at least one guy sexting you right now
The hardest part about being a child of divorce is when you're at your dad's house but your condoms are at your mom's house.
She was about to leave with you until you started singing "You Hoes Ain't Loyal" in her face
At the end of the night i was really thirsty and tied to a bedpost
OK, but next time I'd like to be present for our make-up sex.
i had every intention of working out now im just drinking wine and thinking about taking nudes in my thigh high tube socks
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