Just tried calling my phone on my phone because i thought i lost my phone.
I started making breakfast to subdue the hangover and last of the shrooms and only got as far as eating a half frozen pierogi out of a dixie cup.
I'm soaked in champagne. I'm eating oatmeal from mcdonalds tonight was glorious
Ok, was I really fucked up or was there a chick from Norway in the ice cream shop teaching us Norwegian last night?
I woke up this morning to a lot of blurry photos of a swan i must have chased down the riverbank and a handbag full of loose haribo.
I am naked in a blanket sprawled on my bed eating a pastry. This is all I want out of life. Ever.
I'm playing a lilo and stitch drinking game
Aloha alcoholism.
He said he cried as he watched porn yesterday; I'd say he's taking the break-up pretty bad....
We're fucking and Lee Greenwood God Bless the USA comes on and he came. It was the most Roll Tide America moment of my life.
That awkward moment when your boyfriend tries to have sex with his go pro on #hdporn
Weird, Jen didn't know mixers were solely for coloring purposes. Don't call me an alcoholic because you're uneducated
I gave his daughter swim lessons and in exchange he sold me an ounce. I feel so accomplished.
I blacked out in the cab last night... Cant remember getting in the front door, also i got into bed with my grandma.
Dad smells like hangovers and 65 years of bitterness
i just swapped my iPhone for a happy meal. this is greg btw, the hooker let me borrow her phone
Randomize
