he told me my vagina needed a tic tac
i walked in the apt and she was vacuuming. i asked why and she said so we could have sex on the floor. i love clean freaks.
can you explain how you are here for one night and now my kitchen table is in 11 pieces..
FOUR LOKO IS YES. SUNDAY MORNING DRUNK IS YES.
i just kept saying he was red & i was blue and we couldnt become purple. I started crying at one point
Fuck you. You would only tell me how to get to your house in Spanish.
She refuses to believe she pulled down her pants and spanked her ass in front of us
Well we get the HIV results on my birthday haha. It'll be like happy birthday kid, you have AIDS.
This family outing has commenced with me throwing up in an apple orchard
he told me he had a dream that he laid his head in my lap and silently gazed up at me. WHY AM I ALWAYS THE DUDE IN RELATIONSHIPS
When you woke up the first word out of your mouth was "whoa"
I was feeling the aftermath of his penis
I am buying anal lube, an enema, and a bag of kit kats. What part of this is compelling the Walgreens woman to tell me to "be well".
So it's official the pockets of my work apron exist solely for the purpose of secretly flipping off asshole customers and not losing my job.
My New Years resolution is actually to be MORE petty
whatcha doing?
lying in bed pretending to be a slug
Randomize
