Come 10 years my vagina won't look like this. I must cherish it
i had to cut you off after you shoved a bunch of bottle caps in your mouth and pretended you had braces.
Somehow "stranger danger" turned into making out with a 25 year old on burbon street.
of course! give me a few hours to recover from chugging a 4loko out of a frisbee, and it will be rage time yet again
Dude, seduce him with cookies. You almost turned me gay with scones. Don't be surprised when they get you laid.
It's just one of those days where I'm too horny to function, to be perfectly honest.
Given he decided my interview was a date, showed up drunk and insisted on carrying me everywhere, we weren't off to a good start.
What? My family got wasted on patron and I threw up on my pants and said it was gravy. Hot mess.
Well. I guess talking about me stealing your wife may not be in the list of legit conversations
I don't know whether to laugh it off or be pissed at him..I got pulled over this morning leaving his place and the officer thought my hickeys were hand prints around my neck and asked if I needed to be escorted out of town.
My girlfriend is talking to my ex-boyfriend at the bar right now. I REPEAT, GIRLFRIEND IS TALKING TO EX BOYFRIEND RIGHT NOW. GET ME THE FUCK OUT OF THIS PLAACE
I gave up great shower sex to be here so don't say I never did anything for our friendship.
I fell asleep while eating jimmy johns last night and then woke up at 5am and continued to eat it
I had to say goodbye to one of my fuck buddies last night. He's voting for Trump, we shouldn't be doing it anyways.
you have to get here a cop came into the bar and she looks like Sarah Palin. I think I'm gonna try and bang her
Randomize
