Last night I fell down in the street (I think in someone's vomit), cut my knee up, lost my moms necklace and my license, and had to walk back to the hotel.
Katy Perry is on a Proactiv commercial. That "I kissed a girl" shit is so much less hot now.
He knows as soon as he hits chameleon eye status drunk, he is guaranteed to piss the bed we NEED to push him there
Housekeeping just called to see if we were okay bc they came in the room earlier and we didn't move.
Valuable lesson learned: if you reach the point where you have to talk yourself in to finishing the last half of your beer, you shouldn't try.
So I ripped my crotchless fishnet body suit when my drunk ass tried to crawl through the crotch to put it on.
I think my boss gives me work off weekends because he doesn't want me showing up hungover anymore..
The difference between 22 and 28 is bigger than I realised. I had the urge to put on Spongebob and give him a cookie.
Bra is off & I'm snuggled in a pizza. Adulting is good.
Your grandma found me sleeping in my car this morning, and she wanted me to tell you she was going to church... Also, last night was amazing.
Go have sex with him right now! Drunk sex is the best sex.
I know but these gold fish are so much better
Fun fact: I came home from the riverboat without my panties. And woke up with a different pair on.
Probably not. Getting pulled over and puking my guts out on the side of the road in front of the cop and him making fun of me, was not my finest moment. Plus I lost my debit card.
after that bj i gave him, i could fucking punch his mom and he wouldn't give a shit
Somehow my life has turned in to drug deals at the bar, and illegally camping on a mountain because I have no where else to live.
Randomize
