i wants your nipples near my face. PLEASE????
Just got a call at work, I have to consent to a random drug and alcohol test by end of business day, if you arranged this it's the best/worst April fools prank ever.
his receeding hairline makes running into him so much less awkward. almost enjoyable actualy
I came downstairs to find I had missed the 3some on my kitchen floor but not the pukefest or ER trip after it. This is what happens when the voice of reason is otherwise occupied
At least drunk you showered before switching sex partners last night.
how do I tell the students with a crush on me, that yes, I am open to receiving blowjobs in exchange for grades?
It's 9:30am and I've already blown three loads. Reason #101 I love 25 year old girls.
How did the whale quest end up? I saw u hit a little snag when the first one heard you call her that.
Poorly worded request for dick pic resulted in stoned beanie selfies and "lol". Miscommunication is the devil's cock block.
I mean, unless you wanna just let me lie there while you fuck me and pour water into my mouth
A baby just tried to pull out his mom's huge tits at work today and nearly succeeded. I was silently cheering for the little guy.
Doing blow in the bathroom isnt the same without you
Do a rail off the baby station in my honor
My butt remains clenched, sir.
And you seriously thought you could just walk in naked with a bow tied around your penis?
It seemed like a good idea at the time...
my ex finally blocked me on all social media and tbh I'm only pissed because his roomate just got a puppy
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