just woke up with an anonymous loaf of bred in my bed and a piece in my mouth. this says alot about my life.
She was giving me a handjob while I was wearing a sombrero with a beer in one hand and a hammer in the other.
walking around pouring bird seed on passed out guys in the quad.
Oh we will ALWAYS be together. Or I'll have to delete my Facebook altogether. I've drunkenly boobie trapped photos of us into every album. There's no way I'd ever have the patience to go through that deletion process.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
No, I don't just love you because you have big boobs. I just wouldn't visit as often.
She is still a psychotic unstable bitch, and is therefore PERFECT drinking game fodder
A horseman, i repeat, a man on a horse downtown just told me i was gorgeous and my friends were not. Not drunk enough.
I think my vagina is phsycic. All day it tingled and then BAM Channing Tatums look alike fucks me like ive never been fucked in my life.
Did you put pizza in my boxers last night?
I left you 4 hours ago. Have you been walking around with shit in your pants all day?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
he can get married early and ruin his life but he sure as hell isn't ruining mine with a shitty bachelor party
I was on etsy and I'm like those boobs look way too familiar
after stripping the bed and soaking it with the "pet spot remover" I have, I decided in the best interest of my mattress and our drunk friends bladders, i should invest in rubber sheets.
Our friendship just got weirder. He snapchated me the porn he was watching.
FUCK YEAH PUPPY BOWL
Hey. Did I get punched in the face last night?
Yeah. I told you I would and you didn't believe me.
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