I just got asked by a man in the alley if i would like to buy 50 dollars of meat for 20 bucks. Its been a weird day.
dipping my christmas cookies in kaluha. santa would be proud.
I just got my poem back from the prof, there's a sticker of a girraffe on it and it says "you're awesome!" ... How can this even be considered real college?!?
all you kept saying from the spare room was "can you bring me a puke bowl...and the cat"
my bartender licked my nipple. never stay after hours
My heart is having a hard time convincing my vagina he's not worth it.
You stumbled in the house, mumbled something about a cheese party, grabbed a block of cheese and the whiskey, and left.
How did you make it to work sans hangover?
4 words: Clif Bar soaked in tequila. Just like albert pujols
exactly. I want him to have to live with the fact that he fucked me. I want him to look me in the eye and say "you were a drunken mistake".
Great way to live...just blowing loads on upholstery
Naked chocolate chip pancake making. I just spilled mix all over the place. My boobs are covered in flour. This is not going well.
Guys, as my favorite vagina consultants I have to share something.
My professional advice is not to put lemons in your lady pocket.
You are the jesus of drinking
yeah i'm making him "thanks for letting me befriend your toilet" cookies. wanna help? i'm sure you'll be making new friends too.
just said thank you to the lady who gave me a body search at the airport
Randomize
