i wish starbucks made bloody marys
Would you let Jessica Biel poop in front of you to see her naked...but you have to wipe her too?
yeah. and then it was like the room of requirement. the elevator just opened for our threesome.
Thanks for ditching me last night. I got a ride home from the Dominos delivery guy. You owe me 3 large pizzas.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
it was 5AM and you were field goal kicking solo cups into the sink
Come scavenge bits of tuna out of my chest hair
I can't believe I cried over a sausage mcmuffin.
So hungover. I'm getting too old for trolloping around in disco shorts going shot for shot with well behaved underclassmen in an effort to lure them to the dark side of alcoholism and liver failure.
There a special place in hell for drunk criers. A special FUCKING PLACE
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I feel like every time I get the courage to masturbate to a guy from Game of Thrones, they kill him off.
You can't have your cake and publicly stick your dick in it too
Literally just napped at strip club. Don't know how long
Does me being hung over take away from how professional I can be today?
I already left my house once this summer. Maybe we could do something in October.
Kinda thinking about going to my moms wedding high
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