so i woke up on my toliet naked backwards. good night.
She just did a myspace photoshoot with her baby
he called to tell me the scratches were still on his back. this was in the summer.. still the best hookup
So, apparently, "i expected your penis to be bigger" isn't good pillow talk.
Drunk in my research methods class at 9:30 in the morning. We should do a quantitative analysis of my mimosa consumption.
I am both scared and jealous.
Granted I did fall into a pond wearing your dress, but I did save a frog in the process so I think it was worth it.
I will fuck him senseless, no need for a priest.
I only have one eye to read your texts because I just stabbed one out after reading that last text.
No, he went to go get condoms. The least I could do was chug two beers before he got back
Just had a heart to heart with my John Belushi poster.
THIS CHICK IS LIKE SOME SORT OF HOOKER HOUDINI.
You were all "think outside the box, inside the bag!" as you filled your camelback with beer.
If she gets mad at me, that only means more free time for me. I like to put myself I win win situations. Despite being in a relationship, I still find ways to accomplish my goals.
I'm making myself the patron saint of bisexuality
His weed is so good that I don't wanna risk loosing him as my weed man so I plan to keep him in the friend zone 😂
I got drunk off three vodka cranberry’s and told him to “WWE raw dog me.” Fucking kill me.
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