please take me off your list of people to text when you don't want to drink by yourself.
oh no, don't get me wrong.. she IS really pretty. If you are in to horses or Sarah Jessica Parker.
i know i said i'd always be there for you, but i'm beginning to think that what you call "being there for me" the american judicial system calls reckless endangerment.
Is putting "Tonight I'm Fucking You" on my date playlist too forward?
His IQ level must rival that of a comatosed aardvark.
just had Stella and stale goldfish for breakfast under the watchful eyes of an inflatable cactus and 5 llama pinatas. Cinco de mayo success!
We found her on the doorstep. Just layin down going, "I made it home!! Aren't you proud??!"
How can I politely yet provocatively ask you for a cock shot?
Hey in a lighter note I also nutted in that cheerleader too if she got prego there would have been a team reunion on Maury
People who don't like drugs and guac are not people I chose to associate with
im mad at you for telling me he ejaculated during "let it go." Thanks for ruining the song forever.
I'm way too hungover for life right now
I think I just got suckerpunched by a 14-year-old.
Let me atleast have my coffee before you start talking about your penis
I know I drink too much cuz "ssssjllapph peneinssesss" automatically comes up in my phone now.
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