You need to come back and get me. This is not a jersey shore party and he is not dressed as Pauly D and I am about one shot away from hooking up with a real fist pumping Guido.
My mom is helping me re-arrange my room to make New Year's more hook-up friendly
Ya,, he does have virgin eyes. Thats a real thing you know...
you told the cab driver to stop being such a pussy because he wouldn't let you shotgun a beer in the backseat
Believe it or not, Travis and I simultaneously breaking beer bottles over eachothers heads was not a good idea.
So apparently the only parts of last night I remember didn't actually happen.. When did vodka become a hallucinogen?
I say go for the trifecta and maybe you'll get a medal or something. Or a baby. That's like the same thing right?
My dad just told me I can't passout in the driveway after the 4th of July parade this year, again
Don't forget Giraffe in your car! If we show up in the same outfit without animal heads we're just gonna look weird.
oh my god I have a fantastic druncle story to tell you. It involves a burrito, a meltdown and a bear
The burrito and meltdown are standard, but I'm intrigued by the bear
Me too...I'm driving to work trying to figure out if I put my pants on the right way.
He came so fast i dont think he got it all the way in. He apologized and gave me his favorite baseball card.
He put a doughnut around his dick and I ate it. What can I say. It was a good fucking night.
Once you find out someone has a small dick, you never look at them the same again.
We kicked down a door together last night, pretty sure that qualifies us as best friends.
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