I don't believe in a God but I'm almost positive I just shit out the devil.
Im watching he's just not that into you, eating way too much pizza, and feeling very single.
office poll is still running 100% that Spencer Pratt is more disturbing than David Carradine's death
you alive?
ya, the episode of maury where people are afraid of things are on, i had to keep livin
So guess who had sex in a Ghostbusters sleeping bag.
The horrors my penis has endured I wouldn't wish upon any man.
Sun* burn. But that sounds like wait.. Midsentence thought... It would be like swimming in a giant bowl of cereal.. Only I would be cereal. This is brilliant.
He stumbled into my room, flopped on my bed, shoes on my pillow and asked me for a juice box. Then fell asleep with the juice box on his forehead.
He recreated the night that started all my mothers days. We shared a joint, drank Boones Farm, and dry humped to the Beastie Boys. Then I cried over MCA's death. Best. Gift. Ever.
I have to masturbate tonight while watching every Paul Walker movie ever made. It's what he would have wanted. RIP Paul.
I'm suffering a hangover from deep within. I feel like the half of the parts of my body are permanently laced with alcoholic substances
Nothing says "i love you" more than flowers and potatoes
With each thrust he'd whisper "like a ninja." Should I be flattered or appalled?
How many weight watcher activity points do you think sex is worth?
Really should've known 2020 was gonna suck when the guy dressed as baby new year got arrested at our party 5 past midnight...
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