Was i wearing a white blazer when you superpoke danced me??
the sex wasnt even worth changing my sheets
I never thought I would get head to the lion king soundtrack
your tears are not going to buy me drinks...
Even my Russian and Serbian roommates think I drink to much.
my goal is to masturbate without thinking about my exbf.
Playing a game in life called "how far can I make a man travel for a booty call"
thank you TLC waking up to a water birth on tv really put the cherry on top of my hangover...
I'll pull you in a wagon. You'll have a sash and a crown on and we'll sing "All the Single Ladies"
Im positive, your name was on my abdomen, Im pretty sure thats solid evidence
yeah the cable guy is coming and everybody is hiding all the pieces in the house. we are up to thirty two. like a fun game of smokable scavener hunt.
I'm texting an actual stripper. A male stripper. I dont wanna talk about it yet
He was trying to talk to me about standards while he had a french fry box on his hand like a glove and was using it to flatten his cheeseburger.
I just paid a hobo to give me his Santa hat so I can take Christmas nudes. Will send them later, they're fire.
Why do I always have at least 8 men with whom I am conducting some sort of poorly planned love experiment?
Randomize
