a mothers knocking is a guaranteed boner softener
The world needs more lipstick lesbians, if anything.
Dude I still wanna know who I had sex with on new years eve
Is moral bankruptcy something you need to file for?
2 classes, 3 finals, and $30 worth of adderall until this semester is over.
hey, do you know how many packets of jello it takes to turn a handle of vodka into slutty girls?
Thinking about fake proposing to my gf just so the middle aged women next to us will buy us drinks
I FUCKING SERVED PEOPLE AND POURDED JUGS AND GOT FREE BEEEEEEEERERTERRY
She danced with a broom while telling me I was "cool as shit" and she "wishes she could take a portion of my big ass and attach it to hers" then she passed out
My boss walked in on me puking in the urinal while taking a piss. Sunday funday is eroding my last shred of credibility at work.
Nothing says "First Single Holidays" quite like getting baked with the guy that took your virginity four years ago.
Are you okay?
I went home with a 38 year old guy in a kilt, do I look okay!
You put on some guys Birkenstocks that were abandoned on the dance floor overtop of your flats. Then ran out of the bar high gives the bouncer and said "look at my new kicks" then he was like woah wait a minute someone is missing those and made you return them. You were very upset
I woke up saran wrapped to a chair....
We ran out of vodka, so instead of body shots you wanted to do cupcake shots off her naked body...happy birthday to you.
Randomize
