We just walked into this party and immediately got handed a grilled cheese sandwhich....
Just crossed the line with my beat friends girl twinsie. Didn't realize tillz afta how much the look alike and an thougholy creeped out. Thanks ciroc
she is the kim kardashian of front butts
I reached in my backpack to pull out my laptop. I found my bottle of Jack and 2 bottles of Coke. It's going to be a good class.
Thing I said while arguing: I want to be single again so that I can have pizza and dick rained down upon me.
Pulling out all the stops on being a lady.
Monday is now my bitch. I just did 20 naked push ups on the bar for $20
So because I'm off tomorrow that means your dick could be in my mouth majority of that time
He saved you from those guys at the club, took you home, and made you breakfast. If this isn't your come to Jesus moment IDK what is.
Your mission, should you decide to accept it, is to pick up rum, beer, and cigarettes. Your holiday will self-destruct if you ignore this message.
I should not be allowed to be in possession of a fifth and a phone at the same time.
Hey, sorry for threatening to teabag your mom to death last night
Only I could turn my one night stands into class essays. Go me.
If its not for food we ain't going out.
Im drunk taking pregnancy tests with this really hot girl...i dont know what is happening
My psychiatrist just sent me a dick pic
Randomize
