his dad told me thanks for making his little boy a man at breakfast this morning
No vaginas are yucky and I don't think you're old enough to handle one yet
He just refered to Steak and Shake as "a good place for couples". I will definitely not be shacking tonight.
The crowning achievement of my weekend was hooking up with someone I'm at least facebook friends with.
Exactly how low is masturbating to your cute professor's lecture videos?
Well after last night I am convinced he is real life Tyler Durden. He only exists to me and somehow keeps me out of jail this entire time
I like to think it's an accomplishment that I can relate my life to a T-pain song
We're having soft pretzels and cheese dip for dinner tonight. Like fucking adults.
"Do You Wanna Build a Snowman" came on while I was riding his dick. I had to take a moment.
I'm floating on a 30mph cloud right now not giving a fuck
so he'll eat food out of a dumpster but he won't lick your ass?
I was simply suggesting that you really should try coke bondage sex.
I just realized this morning that my fridge is stocked with coronas, hot dogs, and cheese dip. And I just got waxed. High-five, your best friend is on track to be all kinds of slutty fun this wkd.
My one night stand from last weekend is now taking me on a date this weekend. How is this my life?
I peed in my closet, which at the time looked like a sparkly bathroom...
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