I think I died a long time ago.
I showed him my bush... on skype.
sorry for throwing an entire water bottle of vodka at you. It was very wasteful
some drunk guy just paid $3 for each cig that i picked up off the ground. the cigs that he threw on the ground. I might just follow him the rest of the night
I've been meaning to ask you. The first night in the city did we do key bumps with a suicidal homeless man? My memory is fuzzy
Don't act like you're not jealous that I disappeared into the closet to blow my husband. Marriage = all the cock I want.
He was respectful of both me and my One Direction calendar.
I don't know how Dave is alive, I feel like he's been drinking since I met him.
If more people understood that brunch is at 3pm the world would be a better place because you don't have to wake up early. Breakfast food is important
Ate his Chinese food and drank his beer and played with his chihuahua. All while wrapped in a towel while he was sleep.
I lick assholes and I wouldn't eat mdma
Yeah we've been texting but I don't know how to just randomly throw in sooo the real reason this is happening is because i hear you're a drug dealer
i got drunk and started dancing with the plant because you were out of town
The air I exhale reeks of whiskey and bad decisions
I have to charm this cab driver. Hold on.
Randomize
