I faked an abortion last night.
Just tried calling my phone on my phone because i thought i lost my phone.
in the car goin home for fam dinner and he is silent... i think he realized how big of a whore his little sister is
I'm using process of elimination to determine which of our neighbors i fucked last night.
The liquor store wont accept checks from us anymore.
We all have our weaknesses that drive us crazy. We happen to have one in common, 21 year olds. Your secrets safe. Touch his penis.
Are you still goin to the xmas party?
Yaaaa why?
Jus making sure i will have nice people i know to put a blanket over me when i pass out in the field .
So how much of last night are we going to pretend never happened? Enough to stay friends?
I miss the good ol days when id just come home from school and thered be a costco size box of condoms on my bed.
my parents really loved me back then.
My friends son got stung by a jellyfish over the weekend and we seriously stood there debating on whether or not we should pee on this toddler.
I'm so high that hamburger just went up my nose. Mustard BURNS
OMG MY DAD TOLD ME HE MIGHT DO TINDER
Idk maybe I'll talk to him once he gets out of jail just to yell at him and get my strawberry ice cream back.
I feel like I could have been bitchier and missed an opportunity.
And then I was like pick your blow job song and he choose the sonic the hedgehog theme song. If he's not the one no one is.
Randomize
