Riding a fattie is like riding a scooter, its ok just not in public.
Do you think unemployment will give me a christmas bonus?
Nothing says "This dudes gotta go" better than a boner on your back waking you @ 5 in the morning
I'm just gonna be the bigger person here and say I want you inside me
He is juggling broken glass botttles, I think its time to cut him off...
We fucked in your water heater closet. Told you we'd try everywhere.
We're sitting in his room writing songs about America. There's a verse about a dead dog. There's tequila everywhere.
The cops just showed up and arrested her. It's our 2nd date. Do I have to hang out her with her 3 kids until she makes bail or can I leave?
They got me high and left me at the mall with a giftcard for $400. I need an adult.
Well my ankle is fucked up, everytime it pops I have a reminder of $200. Jager bomb night and the day we began to rebuild our friendship.
let’s be honest I’d fucking Irish step dance on your grave, asshole
Specially since he wanted to forget that we even touched, which makes it funnier because I don't think you can take back licking someone's butthole...
who knew tequila and Christmas cookies would go so well together
Fuck me I smell like cheese
just saw two eagle scouts making out in chic-fil-a
Randomize
