Best look from Detroit today: running across the street with your buttcheeks on display carrying a 40 oz. Or maybe being crazy-pregnant and screaming and slamming a pay phone. Toss up.
she was so hammered she started drinking dishwasher detergent
I dont know whats funnier - that, or that we learned that poison control is closed at 2 AM
part of it is the fact that im problem drinking, and the other part is my OCD wont let me leave the bottle half-empty.
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
He threw up. He never throws up. It was like finding out superman cant fly anymore. I was so sad for him.
she smells like cat throw up and cupcakes. i'm trying to focus on the cupcakes but it's really. hard.
I wasn't sure how he was going to followup "so,i shot myself.." i guess "w a nail gun" is the best choice out of what I expected
He's had mdma poured down his throat. He's getting huggy.
We're going to catch a squirrel this summer
I have come to the conclusion that my perfect boyfriend is a cardboard cutout of Link with a dildo attatched. Also, Merry Christmas.
You came home screaming the lyrics to Drunk in love, and dumped wine on me when I said you would never be Beyoncé
Soooo you know how I said I was trying to be a rational adult? Well that led to me fucking a rational adult today.
KY in my mouth and throat does not a party make.
Dude I turned down free booze. I think I'm growing as a person.
I put on that one song on Titanic so he'd fall asleep. When I was positive he'd passed out in a drunken fit, he outstretches his arms and says "I'm flying, Jack.."
Randomize
