Just had to open a tuna can with a spoon. Gave me a sense of hunting for my own food.
just threw up into the cup of Gatorade I was hoping would settle my stomach. thanks again, alcohol.
There are paw prints all over my ceiling.
she's lying on the floor with a bottle of vodka, belting shakira. plz advise.
We're making herpes jokes very loudly and hoping she notices.
Pierced my own nipple last night, and yes everyone did go absolutely nuts
So I just went to 3 different stores because there is no way I can walk out of one store with this many reeses and still have my pride.
I guess I'm just gonna have to learn to live with the fact that I'm the guy who takes his pants off at the party and tries to start an orgy
Last time I was your wingman I had to deal with a girl whose only interest in my body was to clip my toenails. I'm not interested.
We got a noise complaint for vacuuming too much but not for getting really high and yelling about peanut butter
Not sure what happened last night, but I woke up without a shirt on and cereal glued to my boobs...
I'm going to need a penis the size of a bat
I just woke up butt-naked in bed with a guy I've never seen..I reached into my bag next to the bed to get my phone and found a bag of shrooms, a handle of vodka, and 600 dollars that I've never seen. what do I do
enjoy it.
I thought i was doing pretty well but I walked into my first class and everyone on my side of the room immediately asked how drunk and high I was
I swear to god, if you ever yell my name during sex with my sister again..your balls will be stapled to your nipples.
Randomize
