I thought you should know that you passed out in your trash can last night.
Thanks for throwing up on me.
do u think i could put an abortion on my debit card?
please stop referring to my baby as "your little fucker"
It's my birthday, I plan on masturbating and boating, maybe even masturbate on the boat.
We're gonna go drive around campus and throw water balloons at all the drunk bitches wobbling around, wanna come?
i feel we're the only people who'd use nyquil sexually
dude my grandma just called my dealer. How does this shit happen to me
I'm in the fetal position watching the little mermaid and trying not to die. When do you come home?
I should send him a pic of my crotch with the caption "thanks for the memories"
A guy with a mustache poured a beer down your throat while you had a crippled boy named Sunshine riding your back
I just can't do Wednesdays sober anymore
My one night stand from last night is currently mowing my lawn for me.
I just rolled a blunt and took my bra off. I'm not going anywhere.
It was rocky mountain showdown of course we got shitfaced and talked about eating buffaloes
Some mornings I close deals. Other mornings I puke out my window while I’m driving down the highway
Randomize
