Currently having a discussion about how bad cheating is with the girl im dating and the girl im fucking. This might be a sign that i need to reassess my life
I just saw a man vacuming his front lawn. What is this world coming to?
the bouncer kept askin you for id just to see how long it would take you to find your pants
you walked into the kitchen holding the skyy bottle and asked us "how do i warm this?"
Can you come over to my place and make up for the crap you called sex yesterday?
Good morning to you
hey girl hope you're alright, you hit that tree really hard. have a good night.
She just looked down there and said "i breed horses. this is better than anything ive ever seen."
You said you didn't want to drink anymore so you started shooting vodka down the back of your throat using a syringe. Oh, and then you aimed it at my eye ball...vodka in the eye hurts btw.
At least now when I say "never again" the likelihood is that it won't actually happen again the next weekend...that my friend is called growth
I sent her a picture of Richard Nixon and said "these are the only dick pics I send".
His name is Dustib. Not a typo. I just can't.
It's 4 am here and I just vomited myself awake....Not rising OR shining any time soon
Omg this place. I'm at a neighborhood party. My mom has kissed two other moms. Where am I
Dicks are not precious.
What is it in my brain that makes me look at a penis and think "that belongs in my mouth"?
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