Dear everyone that texted me last night wondering where i was. i ended up face down blacked up drunk before i made it to the party. My bad
how come the more i say "don't get it in my eyes," the more gets in my eyes
I feel like this woman may give her husband a hand job mid way through dinner. just saying.
I would have added her but her profile pic was piece of pie
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Watching intervention at a bar. Who let this happen??
sooo my mom just yelled up the stairs " you left your bowl down by the computer"....aaand for a second I forgot cereal bowls still existed
On my list on ridiculous morning after bus rides home, still sopping wet and carrying a giant straw hat is definitely top five
Had a speaker in class today. She asked whats the first question when you see someone pregnant. I said whos the father? She was looking for "is it a boy or a girl?"
I saw him coke blaxckout on the subway at 9 this morning yelling at people callig himself the gatekeeper.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I made him go down on me for 40 mins then pretended to pass out. I swear, I'm like a boy.
I mean it's not my fault he had a floor mat that read "put out or get out". What was I supposed to do?
I saw that you sent me a photo and the first thing out of my mouth was "I swear if it's another photo of a dick poking out of a bubble bath"
This morning he fucked me while I was brushing my teeth. So I kept brushing as he thrusted. Then I brushed his teeth with my toothbrush while he was still in me. So hygienic.
Cats are difficult to handle. Also they are impossible to baptize.
We put you in the box and you started to cry, that's how high you were.
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