Third unemployed latin in my bed this week. I'm on a roll
think im gonna go get a six pack before class and sit in the back of the room...
Found a left over fake Olympic medal from our party last weekend. Awarded it to a random girl in the bar last night. Its the only thing she was wearing this morning when she woke up at my place.
No flights in Europe due to the volcano erupting. God himself is telling me to spend 4.20 in Amsterdam.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm having horrible flashbacks of being groped by Pauly Shore.
Can you explain to me how i got kicked out of a bar last night, from outside the bar?
Lazier than spoon feeding yourself popcorn and debating adult diapers so you don't have to leave the mentalist marathon on tv?
I do wanna see you. And we can just lay here and watch a movie and listen to me cry.
My way of showing team usa support, bronze: handy silver: bj gold: home run. God, I'm patriotic
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Next Halloween, remind me to find a different wingman. Walking out in your pirate costume talking like Captain Ahab while i was banging her and telling me I had to harpoon the white whale really pissed her off.
If I could sit on this toilet forever I would totally do that right now
I made my uber driver take a pit stop between clubs so we could restock on Xanax. #priorities
Wait, like drink with real Phil. Or Phil, the cat that sometimes lived in your closet in Myrtle Beach?
when the cops came she just started yelling at them "Fuck the police! freedom of speech bitches!"
She then told me, and I quote "I want to send you nudes just to see how you'd react."
Randomize