I should be sponsored by Trojan
Were taking his cast off tonite. Need a saw and a gameplan. Meet us at rosies in 30.
This could help me cancel out guys. First 4 that text me get to stay in the loop. And the last one gets the boot. We'll do this til there's only one man standing
Just think. Tomorrow you'll wake up, shower, and get your brains fucked out. That's your ice cream. Today is your peas and carrots.
I think I just used lyrics from the Sister Sister theme song to let a guy down easy...
I am self-sufficient. I puked in a wine glass and emptied it in the trash. Points for style and neatness
This is my transition from small talk texts to booty call texts. Coming over?
Quite the smooth talker. There in 5.
I don't mean to insult you, but did you leave your training bra in my bedroom last night?
Fighting the urge to throw up all over my little brothers jr high basketball bench. Welcome home aaron
there is a hole burned clean through my text book on forestry law and I saw you walking around with a blowtorch last night. Hope you have $160 on ya...
"Where are you? Where are my keys? What is this guys name again? Why am I wearing two pairs of your pants?"
I think I died and satan has brought me back to life and I'm paying for my sins with this hangover
Do you think if I had a tempurpedic bed he would still be able to feel me fingering myself after we have sex?
Whoever thought of breakup sex is my new best friend
All i want from a relationship is to get drunk watch pirates of the Caribbean and have sex
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