you kept begging me not to tell anyone you had been a bat in another life
Do you think Tom Brady went home tonight and changed his facebook status to "pink with lace"?
I miss old school porno. There just isn't any love in porn these days.
We found her hiding in the bath tub.. And when i opened the curtain she replied "thank you" and walked out like nothing happened.
I think I'm going to postpone my photo shoot until my Gpa dies. I don't want to be in lingerie and stripper heels when I finally get the call
Why do you think it's a no-pants party?
Invite says "dress to impress". Her fault for leaving it open to interpretation.
He's a cat fanatic .. That was not in the fine print when we started fucking
Hey so when you left last night was i wearing shoes?
It's all fun and games until some random starts jerking it on the deck.
This morning I got out of bed 4 HOURS LATE, made eggs with a plastic beach shovel, and then ate them using pens like chopsticks in my bed with my turtle. Obviously, I am not in the mood to be proactive with my life today...
drying my bra with a hair dryer wasn't exactly how I had planned on starting my day.
Helped a guy at work today that did nothing but stare at my chest....safe to say the Girls were looking G.O.O.D. today.
this is a PSA to never have sex in a bed from ikea
You stared at a Swedish dude for like 5 minutes then asked him "shouldn't you be yelling at dragons"
So you thought it was a good idea to make plans for the same time same place with the guy you were sort of dating AND his best friend you slept with?
Randomize
