If the pens lose tonight I'm gonna drive to Detroit and burn 8 mile to the ground.
Actually I may do that regardless. Probably get my own holiday.
God. I look like such a fucking stand up guy wearing polo shirts. You would totally trust me not to date rape you.
what was i supposed to do!? wake up and actually ask her name??
It's a beautiful day for a hangover
on the way to work, i saw an empty wine bottle sitting in the middle of an intersection. i thought of you.
i can respect that.
He gave me an orgasm with his left hand...and he's right handed. Of course he's a keeper.
Dude I think my special talent is falling in drunkenly falling in front of a cop and getting away. This is the second time.
drunk enough to drink jager bombs out of a bowl on the kitchen floor.
I'll keep you from getting pregnant and you keep my papers gramaticallly correct
I saw a spider on my bed and my first reaction was to throw my weed bag to safety
i put frozen meatballs in my drink thinking they were ice cubes and I'm vegetarian wtf
I'm in his bed. I got up to puke. Im one eyeing it eating a hot dog bun. Wtf. This is my life
last night is slowly putting itself back together. Its one giant slutty puzzle, all the pieces are covered in tequila and shame.
Is it bad form to puke out of a dorm window to avoid looking bad in front of the people in your room?
How about from a sixth floor window?
You can accomplish quite a bit with a can do attitude and a well placed ice cube.
Randomize
