It's official. Every guy I've slept with has been to jail.
we hooked up on one of my student's desks last night...i can't decide if i'm ashamed or massively proud of myself
dude you teach first grade wtf
Just because Aaron is a gender neutral name does not mean I am letting you name your baby after a drug dealer
You talked about giving to sperm banks on a first date. What did you expect?
We see some guy emerge from the forest on the island this morning, alone, in only a snuggie. Morning shots and bagels on us for the number one walk of shame.
He was spooning with the dog when I came home. Now shes afriad to go near him. Should I ask?
I'm not pregnant. Security came before he could.
Just rolled up a joint with a cop standing right beside me. He just told us to not leave behind any garbage or empties. God I love canadian camping
I decided I was tough enough to wax my bikini area myself. Long story short, I'll be drunk when you get home
And I don't know if this is really ESP, or just a crazy feeling, but I'm pretty sure he has an std. Or at least a cold.
Had a burrito last night in your honor
That's the nicest thing you've ever done
I'm tired of being known as the Great Giver Goddess of the Almighty Pity Bone.
Despite popular belief cocaine is not a good pre-workout
Also I will be receiving my own bra in the mail because I left it at his place, woops
I ripped ass in on and around her face during a hard 69. I don't think she'll ever call me again.
Randomize
