Hey, kurt drew a penis on you and wrote my innotals. I had nothing to do a/ that.
Memo to self- delete texts about butt sex from you before giving my mom my old phone to use.
So I have to ask... did I meet your lumberjack expectations? I mean, minus the red flannel and all.
I just noticed that when I sneeze...my nipples get hard.
Just had a thought: were the sirens on when we were in the ambulance?
Driving around Panama at 7 am looking for an open liquor store..
I'm sorry but I have to break up with you. My wife is pregnant and can't have a girlfriend too.
I've been told that their best stripper is on maternity leave. NEVER AGAIN.
I'm home alone for the next hour and a half, I expect soup and and a willing attitude to do drugs from one of or both of you girls.....annnnnd go
you literally stared at me for three minutes and then said "hey this tequila isn't gonna drink itself, boss"
Well I'm missing half a toenail if that's any indication of my night
Were you the one who yelled "FOR GLORYHOLE!" then punched a hole through my door?
Jealous. I want an iud. Maybe there's a late night bodega that'll insert one for me
I'm drunk still and I cried and now I'm watching Whitney Houston singing the national anthem and I'm crying more
It was after I slept with him he tells me he's a juggalo
Well it was nice knowing him
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