Apparently the guard had to repeat "you're too drunk to get in" three times before I understood. I guess he was right.
it's like i can feel the ghost of his dick still inside me
Any parent would be proud to have a daughter that's a blowjob fairy
i love you. like a brother. a brother that i had sex with more than once.
I jerked him off and then punched him in the face for no reason. Typical evening drinking Sailor Jerry's.
I think my vagina is going to steal my keys and drive over there.
Hopefully she would park on my face.
Remember...the emancipation proclimation is your favorite document, you love asian women, japanese food is the tits, and you willfully employ as many latinos as possible...
how many lesbians have to have their hearts broken before they realise I am not that kind of DJ
Do you know anyone with a stuffed cougar? I want one for a self portrait to hang in my house. A bobcat or lynx might work too.
I think I'm going to add the date I dumped his sorry ass as a life event on FB.
I think that's justified.
I just found 20 dollars in my vibrator box. Was it a drunken sign to myself to get more?
I woke up this morning and I had the absolutely horrific realisation that I am the human incarnation of scrappy doo
I'm eating a bagel on the toilet and watching porn. Trust me, I've got my priorities straight.
Congratulations! We have a period
I just group texted a dick pic. Wonder who'll respond back first. Ashley Stacey or my stepmom
Randomize
