duuuude. vodka popsicles DO NOT function.
She was so wet my fingers were literally pruney when I got done with her
Just had to explain to a senior manager why I had duct tape residue on my wrist and hand. This weekend was a success.
I wont be hard to find. Im wearing a darth vader mask and I have a megaphone.
hey i found one of your nipple clamps under my couch, i miss you!
I don't want the last thing I hear while alive to be Jesse's Girl
It was cool in an 'oh shit I'm gonna get arrested' way.
I just threw up trying to put pants on. This is obviously a sign to stay naked.
I made this pact with my vagina, though. No more heartless fuckery.
I really wanted to suck your dick, but I also didn't want to miss any of the movie
Hey can you text me Heidi's phone number. I just stapled her mattress to the wall and I want to send her a picture of it.
Wait. We seriously played strip beer pong at the bar last night. Who said I never came up with good ideas
If I send Ben a tit pic but I do it while wearing a Tom Brady mask is that funny or creepy
he sent me a green and gold dick pic and advised me I needed to come drive the snake from Ireland.
Congrats on graduating and I'm in a cab and need someone to helps keeping me up, do you mind
Randomize
