You better get here soon. I'm about to spend $30 on a cactus online
i had to do the walk of shame dressed as a leprechaun. I have never been more proud of my irish roots.
You can't keep basing your relationship off of the fact that you both love ramen noodles
After he was done he gave me a case of landshark and tickets to tomorrows yankee game. This is the best nonrelationship ever
It's all good. Going back to my room to try and air out my balls.
Not sorry that my walk of shame this morning was barefoot on my scooter.
My vagina is trying to run away to Boston without me.
Apparently, the right response to, "How do you feel about a terrorist being in the area?" isn't, "Well, we have vodka in the freezer, so we're good for now."
she's fucked both of my roommates but not me. i feel like I'm not part of the group anymore
My vagina is officially offended.
My vagina has a heartbeat. That means I'm in love, right?
Update: his apartment is apparently in the campus Christian community center. The fact that I fucked him on the couch in the lobby is officially my crowning life achievement.
I'm like, not good at living.
This is a question I thought I'd never have to ask. How many hits of acid did you give your dad tonight?
You told everybody that you were a dragon and then projectile vomited all over the kitchen.
Randomize
