i knew she was high when she broke up the cookies into her glass of milk and ate it like cereal
Y'know, without the cops, it would've just been us daydrinking,
just found $310, wrapped in a rubber band, at the bottom of my sock drawer with a note attached stating, "Make it rain".
I mean, I'm all about sharing, but when he tells me about his wet dreams about Oprah, I think it's taking it too far.
I could end up kidnapped. Or worse, the night will be really awkward.
I can already almost taste penis in my mouth
She sneezed like 10 times, put her head down on the table and then laid down on their couch and fell asleep. In the middle of the dominoes game. I'll never understand why my dad continues to provide my mom wine.
Stop saying "make it happen". I'm not gonna say "hey, you should get naked with your sister and roll around together while I penetrate you both"
Yes. Do not say that. That will not make it happen.
Still. Make it happen
All the party invite said was a date and "21 to drink, 18ish to sleep over"
I was so high the sounds of a cricket drove me out of my home at 4am.... Boo that fucking cricket
If I ever look like I'm about to have a repeat of last night, hit me. Just smack me as hard as you can.
you do realize the next step is naked mud wrestling, right?
I came home in someone else's underwear this morning
Atleast you got a souvenir
I hope no one at work can tell or smell that I have tequila in my hair and I haven't showered for days
You can only use the "she handcuffed me naked to your bed, i couldn't do anything, sorry bro" excuse once.
You have a tempurpedic. you only have you to blame.
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