Dude, I would hit that so hard that whoever could pull me out would become the king of England
I don't know if it's her mysterious past or atrocious grammar, but I think I'm in love.
SO stoned. Sitting in just a thong in front of a fan. NO work for a WEEK! Life is good :)
Is it standard protocol to defriend someone after they give you chlamydia?
i feel like arbor mist is too classy for that. you need a colt 45
Yeah you're right. The one time when arbor mist is too classy
Dude, she literally just asked me if her mac'n'cheese makes me horny. I think I found the one.
he came within less than a minute of me blowing him. this was our second night hanging out in a row. for an almost 30 year old italian man, he is NOT living up to his country's reputation
Just put a sign on a baby carriage that says "all daddy wanted was a blowjob" might get fired.
Are my feet made of real feet?
she said I was laying next to a garbage can in the subway doing key bumps and screaming "its my fucking birthday" repeatedly
I give you full permission to fuck a rando on my air mattress.
I just had the worst experience of my life, my grandma found my condoms.
my roommate would be appalled if she knew how many times i've peed in the kitchen sink
I just wanna get drunk and go sledding in my kayak
Her name was Danica but I felt like it would be hard to say drunk so I called her Shelby
Randomize
