And then I interrupted the father of the groom, to ask if she was "ballet or pole" in the middle of his story about his niece, the dancer.
Being at this bar with grandma is a real cockblocker
Gave the kid in the wheelchair at the bus stop a beer and proceede to lift him on the bus. porch drinking brings out the best in everyone
The last thing I remember is trying to split my bridesmaid dress down the back like the incredible hulk.
and you succeeded.
It was weird. Like "Mom, Dad, here's a guy who knows my orgasm face".
if i'm ever face-down on the ground puking again, promise me you won't try to braid my hair?
That sad moment when you flush your Molly down the toilet at the airport & watch your vacation slowly end..
Got a text that the fed tax return dropped into my account just before getting on the first leg of my flights the Vegas. Fate? Viva Las Vegas!
I'm so glad we both made out with him though. I feel like that really brought us together
At the end of the date, he asked if he could kiss me. I really wanted to say "dude, I didn't shave for nothing"
Maybe whip a sausage around while you do it and pour some beer on you. Like a German white snake video
Sometimes in life you just have to realize the security deposit isn't worth it.
I just saw your brother in some random persons yard climbing a tree. Just saying.
Probably on drugs.
I've had pants off for 3 hours now. America.
We played 2 very competitive games of Jenga and then fucked our brains out... BEST. RELATIONSHIP. EVER.
Randomize
