just to let you know, its not cheating if i cant feel my hands.
When the tupperware hit the highway it was like a vomit bomb
Suuuuuuper drunk and just sang fuck her gently to the chiminea. I'm in bad shape.
I think my whole family judged my ability to change under a blanket.
In a moving vehicle and other people in the car
I was at that stage of drunk where it seemed appropriate to just make out with everyone. As like a greeting.
I hear you
No really tho I'm wearing a chucky cheese shirt and yoga pants. If that doesn't scream no sex idk what does
Are you drunk? Because I am and if you're not, this may be very awkward in the morning
Thats for me to know and you to find out.
i would have fingered myself to death by now but the dog wont stop staring at me
well, at the moment I'm sleeping in someone's closet in a buzzlightyear snuggie, so I can't judge,
I still have your make up all over the inside of my thighs from the face sitting. Free tonight?
Was looking through my phone and saw that drunk me took a tit pic in the Denny's bathroom..
I mean I'd assume the strange looks are on account of the fact that I'd imagine people normally don't stink of booze on an 8:14am flight.
He's a cop. Do you know how many times I've said fuck the police? This is my chance. I'm taking it.
I'm sorry about the fire. I was too fucked up to do science, apparently.
Sorry dude, one minute I was flirting with a bachelorette party from Dallas and the next I’m being tied to the bed by the bride
Trying to wrangle us an invite to the wedding
Randomize
