party was madd awkward.. it was like every person who i sat next to in high school and never said hi to was there
Who was more unwelcome: The two of us at the party last night, or Kimmy Gibler at the Tanner residence?
and now that ive poetically compared your vagina to a nuclear missile, I hope youre prepared for this date.
I can always tell I missed tequila night based on the hickeys on your neck man. Fucking call me.
I'm thinking he has to buy me dinner at least twice before i even start considering casting him for "Fuck buddy - understudy."
I'm really hot. went tanning and this cheeseburger shirt like isn't breathable
Last night I dreamt that I sold my car and used the money to have wheels surgically implanted in my feet and legs so I became a human heely and I just rolled everywhere
but how can he casually chat with my father 8 hours after asking me if i'm a screamer
Only you could successfully troll for dick at a Hillel bake sale.
Don't be alarmed when we finally get naked and I let out a WOOHOO!!!
a guy offered me a piece of pizza if I'd make out with a random girl. We got the whole damn box and I ain't even mad
I just got wasted for $3.50. My life can't get any better.
Someone drank my pedialite!
YOU drank your pedialite. I watched you chase shots with it!
True college students do jello shots in the library
He had me sit on his face until I begged him to stop, then held me there 5 minutes longer. I rested my head on his chest, told him I needed time to recover....and slept for 6 hours. By the time I woke, he was already at work. I just sent him a countdown times until his shift is over.
Randomize
