You were telling me about how you were gonna marry him, have his children and name them all woodchip.
Everyone just saw your hickey on TV and on the jumbotron at the hockey game.
Thanks dad.
the liability waiver did not state that i couldn't bring my bottle of wine in the bouncy castle. it did Not.
Your favorite bartender is back from prision
I'm getting very mixed reviews. One friend told me to stop drinking bc the last 3 times he's heard from me I've either peed my pants, been throwing up, or people have been having sex beside me.
Strangely enough I'm encouraging you to keep drinking for all the same reasons.
Playing a game in life called "how far can I make a man travel for a booty call"
I do have a life. It just consists of making scarves and chesse straws now
He told me that before I went to bed I needed to do my stretches and then processed to demonstrate a squat thrust, while completely naked.
Also, did you really start discussing the weather in the middle of telling you my sexual fantasy about you?
is it weird that our first time having sex was makeup sex?
Nope. Turns put my desperate group message for sex didn't work out.
Well you sent it to two guys who were roommates.
They could have rock paper scissored for it. My vagina = the prize.
Let's be honest dude, you almost cried when I gave you a handy, you are not ready for a relationship, I knew this.
I'm so happy for you. But I still have to shave because a woman has needs and this woman needs an orgasm.
Eat, nap, & pace yourself. Words to live by.
I thought this boy told me to choke him, so I went all in. Turns out he really said “stroke.”
Randomize
