Would you feel weird if I asked out ___?
You dont call on our son's bday but you want to know if I'll give you permission to date my best friend?
So...no?`
Ahhh... Adderall running out my nose in the shower really brings back memories.
Let's put it this way, it's 9am and that box of wine looks like the cure
Dude I need help. What word is complimentary, but sounds like "chunky"?
I'm riding shot gun after Shawn took a dump in a happy meal box because we were making record time.
You stuck your entire fist into a full jar of peanut butter and starting assaulting people
So are you still down for me to come stay with you and just have sex on vicodin all weekend?
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You were throwing up and said, "Whipe my face, I must look presentable at all times."
I WANT MY VAGINA TO POUND AT NICE THINGS.
Running late for a date because I couldn't get my clothes out from under the dude I spent the night with in time to leave when I planned. This is my life.
It's a sad day when a deadly hurricane headed your way is less depressing than your relationship status.
Fun fact: nipples work on touch screens. Tell your friends :)
I cant tell you how much harder a belt makes hoeing
These girls next to us are doing shots called bath salts. Sadly this is the classiest bar I've been to since i moved to PA
Theres a free llama on craigslist. Are you in or are you in?
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