I fucked a guy named chris tucker last night
You passed out in the bathroom with the door locked. Had to take a shit in your litter box. Don't worry, your cat buried it for me.
I'm not a pervert.. I just like to be naked...
I tapped out to boredom. She bought me a full meal at Subway. Two tap beers and a pretty weak long island iced tea. I'm five dollars cheaper to fuck than she is.
He kept spanking me and talking about biomedical science.
Aw, you fucked a pre-med? you're moving up in the world!
Ive been home for 20 minutes and I'm already in bed with a vodka tonic
yeah but think of how much more hungover we'd be if we didn't steal those cookies
I just replaced the poop spray with an air horn... Now we wait!
That guy drinking savagely was actually at his buddy's gay bachelor party in the male stripper section. He came over to the chicks side so we drank with him.
He had some sort of penis-related post traumatic stress disorder, but body shots seemed to wake him up
I think I'm crying more because after all these years he never learned to spell you or use a comma properly from me
I assume you passed out however I'm drinking jäger and beer in bed with my cat so your friendship world have been appreciated
You woke us up at 9:15 am still in your toga from last night saying "welcome to my house party...party". You had already filled up the pong cups with yaager/fireball and ordered a chicken platter... Who even delivered that that early???
I wanted one last NYC adventure and I got it. Now I just have to figure out a polite way to wake up the pantless former stripper illegal Russian immigrant street violinist chick currently in a vodka coma in my bed.
She pinched my nipples too hard I THINK THEYRE GONE
I TOLD YOU ABOUT GOTH CHICKS BRO. I WARNED YOU
when i saw him today i think my vagina did the equivalent of a stomach growl... its been to long
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