I came over to his house for a party and realized I was quoted on the fridge... "How'd I get rug burn on my face?" And yes, my name was right next to it!
My dad just called from upstairs on the house phone to tell me to bring him a beer. You tell me how I am.
So she just apologized to the fire extinguisher.
I've started grabbing my boobs in front of my lesbian philosophy professor so she'll give me a better grade. It's working...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If you like her enough, bring her with. If not, eloquently cunt punt that bitch through the field goals of life.
It's total crap. On a side note I watched a porn of 4 guys wrestling in chocolate then messing around with each other. It was like a dream come true
My bed is full of blood and feathers
Babies are disgusting. I held one once. Then I washed my hands and rinsed my mouth out with wine.
He's gotta be able to drive a truck, make me mac n cheese and give me the best orgasms. That's my perfect man
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just started talking about my sextoy because I wanted things to be normal again.
Did you seriously just hashtag my sex life as #yolo2013?
Chris used to fill up a Camel Back for thirsty Thursday. God I really miss him, do you remember when he gets out of jail?
I'm not snubbing your weed I just had a really important rack of ribs to get home to
Am I the only one who saw the used condom in the driveway this morning
Drunk sperm are not productive sperm.
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