and when i put it inside her she yelled "welcome aboard!"
He broke up with me by playing Lynyrd Skynyrd "Free Bird".
The brown eye won't let me do that either.
he refused to get me toilet paper before we started drinking so I keep wiping with his towel.
My cousin had a baby so we have to look at it. Apparently the event is byob
Sign #1 that I'm not ready to be a mother: I'm shopping for "maternity fishnets".
u got into a flexing contest with a dude in bathroom in the mirror at the club
we had a ceremony where you passed your fake id onto me in the middle of the bar. i was on my knees and you presented it to me. i don't think the bartenders were suspicious though
My horoscope told me I'm getting laid tonight. Please don't make the stars be liars
Come on down you're the next contestant on "lets go drinking!"
i turned around and there he was, right in my face. i was mid deep throat of a hot dog that i was eating with my hands and no bun. you win FSU, you win.
Mind if I sleep with your cousin? If I can... thanks. If no, sorry its gonna happen.
Took pain meds with RumChata this morning. It's like morning milk but better
Yeah man, you were grinding with his wife, I wouldn't be worried about it
I told him no rough stuff and he immediately bit my ass. Who the fuck does that?
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