How young is too young to ask my kid to make me a drink?
I feel like i'm in the derek zoolander school for kids who can't read good.
the line runs infront of fredricks of hollywood. it's like gamestop is showing me how pathetic I am.
the trash is collected at 5:50 on mondays. i was up puking all night and heard them
I feel like I'm a marionette being lifted around. Four Loko.
She's doing shots in her underwear, a fur hat and mittens. I'm never coming home.
he built a boat made of joints. holyyy shit
Im sleeping in your bed. Sorry for the sand and the noise and the loud people. Im starving
Your blankets are not drunk friendly
But first time having sex and he went down on me twice?! I'm gonna marry this guy
I'll make sure to include that in my bridesmaid toast
but how can he casually chat with my father 8 hours after asking me if i'm a screamer
I couldn't think of the word "bath" so instead I told him I was marinating in soapy water
I really need to curb my attractions to blondes with tattoo sleeves, firearms and alcoholism
I still blew him because I won't let allergies keep me from doing what I want. But I almost suffocated like 10 times.
You know, you could always move. Lol somewhere without gators, water moccasins, and Marco Rubio.
Nope. Im a prince of the americas. I treat my women like future queens. Also, im drunk watching the royal wedding
Randomize
