the last thing i remember is fucking her. GAME CHANGER i woke up in another bedroom to her younger sister blowing me
Just walk-of-shame'd past fifteen little girls at summer camp. Take a good look girls, I am you in twelve years.
He considered it romantic when he told me mid-blow job that no matter what happens, he will "never forget how good of a dick I suck". Verbatim.
Who is this?
You offered to lift up your dress at the bar so I could see your lower back tattoo
Um, I think that was a general offer to everyone. So...who IS this?
I got asked if I was pregnant as a pickup line
It's cool, I power napped on the dryer while they were fucking in the bathroom so I'm good to go now. Where are you?
This is the I'm sorry text for running around yelling don't shit on my rainbow, end up in the fetal position crying at 4 am in my car because someone shit on my rainbow
You get home okay?
I'm pantless and in bed
That doesn't mean you're at home.
Is it bad that I'm a 32 year old woman that is so afraid of commitment that a hamster is too much responsibility?
Last time I was your wingman I had to deal with a girl whose only interest in my body was to clip my toenails. I'm not interested.
I just want somewhere where I can sit down, without changing my clothes, that will serve me breakfast food and booze. Is that too much to ask?
Wow two curved penises in one weekend. I feel like this may be good luck. Like finding a four leaf clover
Did you send me a cake saying 'Happy 1st One-Night Stand Ever'?
WAIT this kid is eating yogurt with a fucking ladle. what is happening?
His face will be in my vagina later so I'm willing to forgive.
Randomize
