You just made me feel so damn special
elementary school lunch room party. everyone brings their own lunch and can trade stuff. all juice is booze.
franzia sundays are my new favorite holiday
I have your camera. You have 35 naked pictures of me. you're welcome.
then he compared my vagina to a dishwasher. A DISHWASHER?!
Oh my god I just remembered I bit a stripper last night.
Living room floor. I asked him to give me a back rub. He did. And smoothly transitioned that to foreplay, then basically threw me on the floor. My vagina hurts. He deserves another Christmas present.
Still not over the fact that we prayed to Jesus to help us win beer pong
He said it wasn't ladylike of me to drink more whiskey than him. I told him to stop being a little bitch.
Next year, please remind me not to be at a damn Super Bowl party with screaming children whose parents can't control them. I will sell the little suckers to the fucking circus passing through town.
DICK-CITY HERE WE COME
cake and sex. what better combination is there.
You handed me an unpeeled grapefruit off the frat basement floor and then took a bite out of it.
I hear jingle bells and I can't tell if it's bc I'm feeling festive or just REALLY high
I have no idea, I usually just project my awkwardness out like a mating call until it draws other awkward members of the opposite sex out from the bushes
Randomize
