Best walk of shame ever - Brown Hennesy shirt, bright blue overly large basketball shorts, stilettos from night before - ended up buying a ton of 40's and a 30 pack of coors.
Where are you?
A place I should not be.
Just found my girlfriend's stash of animated Japanese porn
And to think, I actually considered breaking up with her
know what turns me on? long, stringy hair on a pasty looking girl with an overstuffed backpack and kneepads over her jeans in case she falls off her scooter
your less of a man for seeing that
Drunk roommate walked in on us and asked if we wanted to go eat a sandwich with her in the bathroom.
either she was really happy we won flip cup, or she was too drunk to notice her boyfriend behind her.
HE HAS A FUCKING TWIN. HE HAS A TWIN. I'M NOT DRUNK THERE IS TWO OF THEM.
While we were making out, he kept yelling at me for not coming to his wedding last month.
Why did I puke in my shower caddy last night
my neighbors having band practice on sunday morning is a message from the universe that I should stop drinking
Can I please come dance in my bra to destiny's child with you? I'll bring the wine and the glitter
She left her panties here. They looked SOOO much smaller last night.
He told me to take off work and bring a bathing suit. If this doesn't involve six flags hurricane harbor or sex in a hotel pool I'm going to be disappointed.
I just had to go dumpster diving, at 3am, in the rain, because I realized that I somehow threw away the brand new package of birth control pills I picked up from the pharmacy this afternoon. So I'm sort of a responsible adult.
I woke up with masking tape on my nipples this morning........... WHY DO BAD THINGS HAPPEN TO GOOD PEOPLE
I wonder if Paul and Andy realize how lucky that they are that we're too lazy to start fucking other dudes so we just stick with them
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