Good. You are like the clit whisperer.
Bring your kids so they can distract our kids so we can drink beer in peace.
beeferoni + vodka = puke stuck in braces.
I wish I could go back in time 3 years and tell my freshman self how easy it is to hook up with freshmen
i just woke up to a text from him apologizing for making me eat a full lemon
Only you would think wine and coffee was an acceptable finals study time mix
my favorite homeless guy just told me I drive like Batman, achievement unlocked
He's hot though. It's not like he JUST got out of prison. That was like months ago
I got a blowjob dressed with a t shirt sweatpants and a Fanny pack. Not kidding.
We got a kitchen table so we would eat together more. So far we've played drunken monopoly and had sex on it.
It's 2pm, and I just had to pass a guy in the turning lane because he was driving down Main Street in an electric wheelchair pulling a flatbed trailer with 2 of his buddies in it and they were all drunk holding beers.
Just used my eyelash curler to open a bottle of cider...
Nothing says I love you like a silicone dragon dick
I almost stopped mid bj to let him know I appreciated his balls being nice to look at/have my face near. But I didn't know if that would ruin, or improve the moment.
When he identified himself as captain clitoris i knew my night was fucked.
Randomize
