So it's 10:55am and I just woke up on the floor in the hallway on the4th floor. There should probably be no moredrinking competetions.
if only i could text you this smell
Dude..TWLOHA day. gonna write LOVE on my arms before going to the bar tonight. its like a pussy guarantee.
you hid your keys in a box of lucky charms because drunk you was apparently going to eat them for breakfast...
So someone hacked my email and facebook and posted a boob pic I took a few years ago as my profile picture. I feel like an MTV commercial.
It was like a lincoln log. Seriously. I don't know who's more pissed, me or my vagina...worst.hookup.ever.
Don't worry. This time I'll get black out drunk so they'll just think it's an American thing.
Thanks, college. Tonight's decisions brought to you by margs in a nalgene.
She's like an enigma, wrapped in a riddle, tossed in miller light, inside a question. Nobody can explain a Heather.
If you make 120 dollars and I walk instd of drive and don't eat or smoke this week we can pay rent
While we were driving she just screams from the backseat: MUMFORD AND SONS DROP THE BANJO and made what were meant to be banjo sound effects
We ended up on their roof with our pants around our ankles shotgunning beers at one point.
I like how you were offering me $50 last night to come home with you to take care of you and your dog
i just has to use a gift card to Target that one of my students parents got me to buy Plan B bc my bank account is -$0.08 so my 2017 is starting exactly how i pictured.
let me wake up, find my pants, and find out where i am tommorow and ill get back to you on that
Randomize
