The old saying is "its not the size of the boat-- but the motion of the ocean" is obviously for those on the "Small side." I am of the belief that "You can't churn butter with a toothpick"
I just worked out and used handles of vodka as weights. Whoever said alcoholism is detrimental to you health obviously has no fucking idea.
i can't believe i brushed your teeth last night. so drunk.
she broke up with me and one of her excuses was constant soreness... should I be sad or proud?
I've gone to the bathroom 3 times. And forgot to pee. 3 times. Let's say we call it a night, I need to be found. I see a fish tank by the bar and some stairs.
the easter KEGG...out of a drunken typo there arose a new and spectacular holiday tradition
The whiskey is fighting the tequila on who wants to be the one who end my night first.
If I ever mention marriage force me to Brazil to do coke and strippers until I die.
I can't wait for the day Google doesn't remind me that I got arrested for having 3 shots called 'frog cum' lined up in front of me.
I planned on emotionally scarring him for life this weekend. DAMN YOU PERIOD!
Ive been thinking this might sound random.. But we need a piano in our house next year specifically for railing chicks on it.
I think I'm just gonna be a cat and wear slutty black clothes with some eyeliner on my face and pretend my ears got stolen by a drunk guy
I couldn't drown my sorrows in an ocean of jack daniels. They may have scuba gear.
Reached a new low last night. Passed out. With my pants down. On the toilet. At ihop. Waitress had to wake me up.
I'm naked, eating straight Nutella, and listening to "Make you feel my love" on repeat. So no. He didn't ask me out.
Randomize
