this isnt the person you just texted but i have her phone. she disappeared when the bacon came home and she hasn't returned since.
how do i word it so it doesnt sound like im asking him if he has ever been in jail.
you came downstairs saying you were now 'dressed to impress'
what was i wearing?
nothing
I'm thankful she wil die Alone. And I'm thankful I slept wiht her cousin. And brother.
They let me keep the giant cocktail glass because I threw up in it. And made out with the bartender. Europeans are so generous. I'm getting it engraved
Today is definitely a "stand over the toilet and pee through the opening at the bottom of my boxers" kind of day.
I guess the silver lining is that having a big dick really comes in handy when you're hungover.
It's a mixed blessing.
the cab driver said that we weren't the worst shit show he'd ever seen, CHALLENGE ACCEPTED!!
We got to the hotel at 12AM with nothing but a plastic bag of magnum condoms and lube, while wearing glow sticks. The receptionist handed us a bunch of water bottles and said "These are on us.", not even phased by three dudes about to have a threesome. I love this town.
I could just tape a camera with a live feed to my head & you could check in on me from time to time
Never have i felt more judged than when i was throwing up in front of a hello kitty shower curtain at 5 in the morn
He said I looked like a ballsack and I tried to choke him out with my Ghostbusters pajama pants. Happy fucking Halloween.
Do you think casino weekend will remind us once again that we in fact are not mature enough to be this old?
Me sprinting out of your house without my bra or shoes is our entire relationship defined in a single moment.
Fucking adderall I just talked at the security guard for 90 minutes
this kid sitting diagonally in front of me is searching "cheap bongs" on google. hahahhaaha. who does this kid think he is?
Randomize
