I'm too stoned for this. I'm Canadian.
all i know is that they all tuched my pee cup last night.
I'm drinking early times at a fridays on wednesday night. This entire bar is going to see my dick by last call.
All I can tell you is you will need a rain slicker for tonight's festivities. Any clothes underneath would be highly frowned upon as well.
This guy just showed us his webbed feet to prove that his son was actually his son
Hey, you guys have all had chicken pox, right?
Omg considering I am covered in cake and probably cocaine that is the greatest news I have ever heard
We're not in high school anymore. I'm not going to pretend to be impressed as he butchers my favorite songs on his guitar. I just wanted to get laid.
He wanted to watch the vow, cuddle, and not have sex. An upgrade is in order.
That broad from the bar put her name in my phone as "The girl I'm going to marry in 10 years".
I apologize that you just fell victim to my random thought of how to make a blow job come to life via emojis.
Just got the test results back; apparently I'm red-green colorblind. this explains the past 18 years of my life and i'm wondering why i didn't realize this sooner
I just want to feed you taquitos and play with your boner and live happily ever after
I made him dinner in just his cowboy hat and my boots after we did it...you should see his face :)
All I remember thinking is, why the fuck are there martians on the ceiling? And they were riding fruit. Like strawberries and shit.
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