Does it count as a shower if I just sat in the tub singing I'm a Little Teapot?
Sex and the city 2 and twilight getting released in the same month. God hates mankind.
I mean you were pretty drunk at one point you asked if we could have a glass of water ready for you in case you choked while bobbing for apples, but you said grape juice was preferable. You can't choke on an apple btw
I just farted a soft, gentle fart and it made me think of the eye puff glaucoma test at the eye dr. I hope that's not fart air they use for those. And yes, I'm texting you from the toilet and yes again, I'm high.
I need to be more functional. That doesn't mean I'm going to drink less, I just need to wake up and shit
You were passed out by the toliet and when i said i had to pee you told me to piss in the sink. Never has a girl with alcohol poisoning been so rude.
someone in the elevator just told me i looked like a struggle but i smell very pretty..
I don't know about this Sanders guy after all. I'm voting for MYSTERY BABYLON, WHORE OF ALL THE EARTH
Hillary?
that moment you remember partying with someone several years ago.. and don't remember if you slept with them or not.
this dude is way too smart. he just explained to me the different scientific components of drugs while we smoked. i said i loved icecream.
We found him. He just came running out of the closet with a bruise on his face saying he has been fighting elves in Narnia for a year.
I just spent 45 minutes and a really well-put together Power Point trying to convince her to use my dog as baby Jesus in her church's play.
No I didn't say it was safe, I said it was legal. I didn't say anything about it being safe. It's not my fault if you weren't listening properly.
everything I love is going to destroy me, so if coconuts are the answer, so be it.
While finding our clothes afterwards he says..."So do we like have to talk after this?"
Randomize
